What if Therapy Is Not Working?Coping with Worries About Therapy
Woman wondering if therapy is working while taking a selfie
Starting therapy is a courageous step—one that often comes with a sense of hope but also a shadow of uncertainty. While the promise of healing and personal growth is compelling, many find themselves haunted by a persistent question: what if therapy doesn’t work for me? These doubts can be unsettling, sometimes even overwhelming, leaving us questioning the journey we've just begun or the hours we’ve already invested. If you’ve ever found yourself wrestling with these worries, know that you are far from alone.
The Roots of Our Worries
Therapy is, by its very nature, a leap of faith. When we decide to seek help, we are often driven by pain, confusion, or the desire for change. The expectation is that, through time and effort, we’ll emerge transformed. But what happens when progress feels slow, or when it seems like nothing is changing at all?
There are many reasons why worries about therapy not working arise:
· Personal Expectations: We may expect rapid results or dramatic breakthroughs, particularly if we are feeling desperate for relief.
· Past Experiences: Previous attempts at therapy that didn’t yield improvement can make us skeptical.
· Comparisons: Reading or hearing about others’ “success stories” can make us feel like we’re falling behind or doing something wrong.
· Stigma: Societal attitudes about mental health can amplify our fears, making us wonder if we’re simply “unfixable.” This is specially true in the Latinx community. Seeking therapy is often seen as a sign of weakness and can be negatively judged by others.
These concerns are valid and deeply human. The journey of therapy is rarely linear, and progress often looks very different from what we imagine at the outset.
Why Therapy Might Not Seem to Work
It’s important to acknowledge that therapy is not a one-size-fits-all solution. What works wonders for one person may not help another in the same way. Here are a few common reasons why therapy might feel it is not working:
· Mismatch with the Therapist: The therapeutic relationship is foundational. If your therapist’s style, approach, or personality doesn’t mesh well with yours, it can be difficult to open up or feel understood. As a Latina Therapist I often hear about lack of cultural understanding from non-Latinx therapist. It can be challenging to open up to a therapist we are not feeling comfortable with. There can also be a language barrier in therapy. As a trauma therapist I often must switch between English and Spanish when the trauma occurred in Spanish for example. Even with treatment modalities like EMDR I have found some Latinx people will process in the language the trauma occurred or their first language. Having a therapist that is culturally competent is crucial in therapy along with being bilingual if needed.
· Unrealistic Expectations: Healing takes time. If you expect immediate change, you may overlook subtle shifts that are happening beneath the surface. It takes time to break lifelong habits or unhealthy coping skills that may have led you to therapy. For more on misconceptions about therapy read this.
· Lack of Engagement: Therapy is collaborative. If you’re not bringing your concerns, emotions, or homework into the space, progress may stall. Therapy is work and there is often a lack of progress if there is lack of active participation.
· External Circumstances: Life events, crises, or ongoing stressors can limit the benefits of therapy, making it harder to notice growth. At times other external stressors may have to be stabilized before one can focus in therapy.
· Underlying Medical Issues: Sometimes, mental health challenges are linked to biological factors that require medication or additional support. It is important to seek support from other professionals such as psychiatrists that can prescribe medication if needed. At times therapy is not enough and a person may need more support to improve their mental well-being.
How to Address Your Worries
If you find yourself spiraling into doubt about your therapeutic journey, consider the following steps:
1. Communicate with Your Therapist
Honesty is the cornerstone of successful therapy. If you’re worried that therapy isn’t helping, bring these concerns directly into the session. A good therapist will welcome feedback and help you explore what’s not working and why. This conversation can be transformative, providing insight into barriers and opportunities for change.
2. Reassess Your Goals
Take some time to revisit your reasons for starting therapy. Are your goals specific and realistic? Are you expecting therapy to “fix” everything, or are you open to gradual improvements? Sometimes, adjusting your expectations can reveal progress you hadn’t noticed before.
3. Reflect on Progress
Progress in therapy is often subtle. It might look like responding to stress more calmly, setting boundaries, or simply feeling heard for the first time. Keep a journal or note small changes—over time, these add up to significant transformation. To read more about progress in therapy.
4. Consider the Fit
If you consistently feel misunderstood, judged, or uncomfortable with your therapist, it might be worth exploring a different approach or professional. Therapy should be a safe, supportive space—if it’s not, don’t hesitate to seek someone who better fits your needs. It is helpful to have several consultations with therapist before committing to one. For tips on finding a therapist.
5. Explore Different Modalities
There are countless therapeutic approaches: cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, EMDR, mindfulness-based therapies, for more on therapy modalities click here. If one style isn’t working, another might be more effective for you. Be open to exploring different modalities if you feel stuck.
6. Take Care of Your Overall Wellbeing
Therapy is most effective when accompanied by self-care. Ensure you’re meeting your basic needs—eating well, sleeping enough, exercising, and nurturing supportive relationships. Sometimes, these factors play a crucial role in your healing process. Self-care is more than just therapy to read more about self-care.
When To Pause or Change Course
It’s okay to take a break from therapy or to try a new therapist if your current situation isn’t yielding results. This is not a failure—rather, it’s an act of self-care and agency. Remember, you are the expert on your own life and needs.
Signs It Might Be Time to Try Something New:
· You dread sessions or feel worse afterward, again and again.
· Your therapist dismisses your concerns or is unresponsive to feedback.
· Months have passed with no noticeable changes, despite your best efforts.
Choosing to pause or switch therapists can be empowering. It reaffirms your right to seek the best possible support.
Letting Go of Self-Blame
One of the heaviest burdens to carry when therapy isn’t working is the sense that it must be your fault. Let go of this self-blame. Therapy is a deeply personal and sometimes unpredictable process. External factors, mismatches in approach, or even just timing can all influence the outcome. You are not “bad at therapy,” and you are not beyond help.
Finding Hope
If you’re struggling, remember that seeking help is itself a tremendous sign of strength and hope. Therapy not working the way you imagined does not mean you are out of options. Each person’s healing journey is unique, and there are many paths toward wellness. Peer support groups, creative outlets, mindfulness practices, and lifestyle changes all play valuable roles in mental health.
Above all, give yourself credit for your persistence. It takes courage to question, to re-evaluate, and to keep seeking what you need. We are here to help we specialize in Anxiety and Trauma. Contact us for your free 15-minute consultation (909) 206-4613 we offer virtual and in person therapy in California info@pattymunoztherapy.com.
